Twenty-one Months

My dear Amalia,

My sweet baby, no longer a baby, you are a big girl toddler, complete with big-girl independence, a strong will, tantrums, silliness and love.  Twenty-one months now, and what a twenty-one months it has been.

You have been having some potty success, which is astounding to me, although we are still a ways away from being declared potty-trained.  I know I’m not supposed to use food as bribes, but you just adore M&Ms so much that the promise of getting an M&M often convinces you to try when you might otherwise have refused.  I started using chocolate chips, and now you think any kind of chip is a chocolate chip.  Now, when you ask for a tortilla chip, you say ‘chopit chip!’ 

You love to have ‘pretties’ in your hair, mostly because your sister requires one in her hair at nighttime to keep her hair from being tangled, so you want one, too.  Your hair definitely needs something during the day.  I have a hard time knowing what to do with your hair.  It is getting long, but constantly falls in your face from way back on your head.  You also have several curls, but only right in the back, which makes a little bit of a rat’s nest if I’m not careful.  We usually put a barrette in to hold the hair off your forehead.  I’ve tried little pony tails on the top of your head, as well as piggy tails, though you aren’t very patient getting them put in and think it hurts a lot.  It is adorable, though!

We went to the zoo the other day, and you had a wonderful time.  You loved watching the animals, and spent 20 minutes chasing a tortoise around that the zookeepers had brought out for kids to touch.  You loved that tortoise, and endeared yourself to the zookeepers and even were able to say ‘tortoise’ and ‘Tobin’, the tortoise’s name.  You also fed kibble, one at a time, to a zebu, a type of domesticated African cow.  It stuck out its long, slobbery tongue to lick the kibble out of your hand each time, and you thought that was so wonderful.  The other kids wouldn’t go near it, but you had a great time.  You fed a giraffe, watched the lions, asked for ‘more otter’ and helped feed pelicans. 

You still love other people, and get so coy and happy when entertaining others or meeting new people.  You love to be the center of attention, and are so silly.

You have also gotten really clingy to mama, even though you really love other people.  You want me to be with you whenever possible, and will say ‘Mama’s turn’ when somebody else tries to help you with something.  Apparently, when you get home from daycare and are waiting for me, you sit by the door and say, ‘Mama’s coming.’  You clutch onto my shirt, grabbing ahold of the fabric and not letting go.  When we rock to sleep at night, you try to pull my shirt away from my chest so you can lay your cheek on me skin to skin. If I try to put you in your crib before you are ready you say, ‘Rock a minute’ to try to get me to hold you some more.

I love you so much, my sweet baby girl.  You are so incredibly amazing, and I am so excited to watch you grow. 

Loveyouforeverandalways,

Mama

 

20 months

Poor baby girl.  I've been at about your half-month mark for awhile.  Again, you are still 20 months old, so it still counts, right?

My dearest Amalia,
You are quite the girl.  You are such a stinker, with extra spunk and love and silliness.  When you are doing something you aren't supposed to be doing and someone asks you, you say, "No, nothing!"  You love to tickle and laugh and climb all over everyone and everything.  You are running, running, running, and trying so hard to jump.  You can't get either foot off the ground, but it is hilarious to watch you try.  You love to instigate arguments with your sister, and you absolutely love to play with her.  Tonight you were playing school and having snack time in your room together.  Sofia had put a bib on you and Stitch and you both had set up all your animals with food in front of them.  You absolutely love to play pretend and always want to do exactly what everybody else is doing in exactly the same way.  You won't accept 'broken food' and need to do everything yourSELF.  Put on shoes, take off shoes, put on clothes, take off clothes, climb into your chair, your car seat, your crib, eating all your food.  You are so independent and I just love watching you take charge of a room.  You are engaging and charming and so sweet and silly and wonderful.
We stopped nursing this month, actually right about your 20 month day, but you aren't giving up asking for it.  I feel guilty every time I say no, but we're both doing fine. We get plenty of snuggles, and you drink lots of chocolate milk now.  You also started really using the potty this month!  Still wet and dirty diapers, but when offered to use the potty, you will often say 'sure!' and have peed and pooped many times on the potty.  Especially with Ms. Carrie.  She even gave you and temporary tattoo as a potty chair success reward!  We're still working on it, but I'm so proud of you.
You really miss your daddy.  You often ask to watch the DVD with his pictures, and get so happy talking about him or seeing pictures of him.  You gravitate to men more now than you ever did, and I think you are really just missing your daddy.  You point out all the men and daddies that you find, and it breaks my heart a little bit every time knowing that you will never see your daddy again.  I just want you to know how much he loves you, angelita.  You hung the moon for him, my sweet.  He will always be in your heart.
I'm so proud of you my sweet, silly, sassy child!
Loveyoualwaysandforever,
Mama

19 months

I'm a bit behind, but she's still 19 months, and by george, I'll get this written.  There's so much to remember.

Dearest Amalia,

Nineteen months, and you are quite the little stinker, lover, sweetheart, and instigator.  You want to do everything your "SELF" and are really quite talented at figuring out how to get what you want.  You eat so well with utensils, put of lotion, brush your teeth, and attempt to put on socks and shoes (though you usually break down and ask for help with that one).   You have become quite adept at removing your socks and shoes, though, which is often less than helpful when I think you are fully footed, we try to head out the door and I look down to see your bare feet.  You are so silly and so loving and just love to be in the mix with everybody, usually entertaining them.
Before going to bed, Sofia and I always say one thing we are grateful for that day before turning off the light.  One night, after getting Sofia tucked in, you and I started to rock.  You lay your head against my chest and said, "Papa, Me, Roscoe, outside."  It was like you were telling me what you were grateful for, too.  You still adore doing chickens with Grandpa every day.  Then you said, "Daddy, me, home," closed your eyes and went to sleep.  I like to think of you remembering him and loving him, and it makes me happy that you are grateful for him, as well.  He was so grateful for you, my darling.
Your language is getting better, clearer and longer every day.  Sometimes you burst into long soliloquies where there are only a few words I can understand.  I find you reading books in your room quite often, and when you see me watching you, you say "Readin'!"
I love you so much, my dear.  Thanks for all the smiles and hugs and kisses and laughter you have brought, most especially this past month.  You mean the world to me.
Loveyoualwaysandforever,
Mama

18 months

Somehow even though life as we know it has ended, time keeps marching on.  Amalia is now 18 months old.  A full year and a half.  A milestone her daddy didn't live to see.  I'm dying on the inside, but because I've kept up these monthly things until age 2 for Sofia and we're getting close with Amalia, and I don't want to stop now.  Maybe some day I'll feel strong enough to write about what we've been through in the past week, but right now I can't.  I want to write about how incredible my baby is, instead.

Dear Amalia,
First and foremost, you need to know how much you are cherished.  Adored.  Loved.  Your daddy and I (and so many more) absolutely love you to your core.  You are our delight, are darling, our precious.  Now you are one and a half years old.  A wonder to me.
You started speaking in sentences this month.   Putting together words, communicating your needs and opinions so very well.  You can identify colors and almost every body part.  You also started coloring this month.  You so carefully pick up a crayon,  tell us its color, and scribble it all over the paper.  It is precious.  They don't even end up in your mouth!
You are continuing your quest to be a big girl, and like to eat with proper silverware on proper plates with proper cups.  When you are done, however, you take that proper plate and dump it right on the floor, whisking all the pieces of your dinner off the table.  You have very strong opinions and get quite upset when your words aren't understood by everybody.  You ask for pretzels, pickles, olives, chocolate, cookies, eggs, bagels, bread, broccoli and so much more by name.  Your new favorite food is ketchup, and you use anything as a vesicle to bring it to your mouth.  You call Jamie "Yaya's Haymee" and love to wear "Bampa's HAT." You climb on the rocking chair in your room and launch headfirst into your crib, which you call "Hareeb."  You sing to your babies as you rock them, and always think they have "Stinky butt!" and require a diaper change.  You love to play with the iPad just like the grownups and request "Seesh (fish)", but insist on pressing the button, which removes the fish, getting you frustrated and requesting them again.
You are always so joyful and just light up around other people.  You make every person in the room feel like the most special person on Earth with you hugs and kisses and coy smiles and flirty behaviors and darling "Hi"'s.  You love to do goofy things and be around people that you can make laugh. You had an entire room of grown-ups captured by your 'power', copying your every move.
We love you so very much, sweet baby.  Through all of this, you've brought smiles and joy, happiness and routine, something that at times, just doesn't seem possible.
Loveyouforeverandalways,
Mama

*I started to write this two weeks ago, but only finished the last part tonight.  Still, it is pretty close to her actual 18 month day.  Now, to find time and energy to take some 18 month pictures before she hits the big 1-9...

Mi amor

I love you.  That is all.  I hope you can feel it still, that you could always feel it.  Through the pain, through everything, I hope you could always feel my love for you.  Siempre.

17 months

and, at 17 months, we have a drama queen!

Amalia,
One month closer to a year and a half!   You are quite a little pistol, my love.  One minute you are giving kisses are hugs and loves, and the next you are banging a little people toy over my head, or Sofia's head, or Daddy's head.  Sometimes, we are uncertain whether you are coming in for a kiss or a bite.  You can throw spectacular tantrums, throwing yourself on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.  Then, two minutes later, you are offering me a pretend cup of coffee saying, "Cof-ffee?  Tank tu." You love to be a big girl, and were so proud the other night when you got to put the spoons onto the table for dinner.  You have definite opinions and think that we all should share them, too.  Sofia also has opinions, and yours often differ from hers.  The two of you are 'frenemies.'  She won't let you play with her, takes things away from you.  You hit her, pinch her, bite her, pull her hair, and won't let her play with what you have.  Every morning when you wake up, you call for Sisi, and though she's still having a rough time adjusting to you being your own person and no longer a baby, she is always looking for you, too.
You got to see your cousins Anika and Reni today as well as Aunt Johanna in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  It was such fun to see all the cousins togheter, and thoguh there were many hard times, having you all together even though you live so far apart was so wonderful.  You called Reni, "Baby" and loved playing with both Ani and Reni, getting into mischief, and just having a good time.
You are my social baby.  You are always saying "Hello" to everyone we see, and can charm the pants off of everyone you ever meet.  You are just so sweet, and get so charged up by being with people, especially groups of people.  There isn't a grown-up or a child who you won't talk to and smile at.  You simply love other people.
I love you more and more each day, my girl.  I am so honored to watch you grow, and to snuggle you each day.
Loveyoualwaysandforever,
Mama

16 Months

And it is now January, a full week after you officially turned 16 months. Sorry, baby girl.

Amalia,
You are now 16 months and in full toddler mode.  You are constantly on the go, wanting to do everything by yourself and do everything your sister does.  You enjoyed your second Thanksgiving surrounded by lots of family, giving everyone hugs and kisses and delighting them with your giggles.  You love groups of people, which always astounds me because Sofia has always been so shy in big groups.  Not you, however.  You gain your confidence quickly, and usually allow people to hug you and talk to you and enjoy your silly self.
You got to experience snow again, this time as a toddler rather than a baby.  You're not so sure about that cold white stuff that comes from the sky.  The first time you saw it snowing, you looked up at the sky, thought about it a minute, and then declared "Milk."  Walking in snow isn't the easiest, especially for a tippy toddler wearing big boots, and you are often tipped over trying to stand back up, which gets snow in your wrists (baby mittens are tricky to get to stay on).  For now, you've decided to forgo walking in the snow altogether, and will try to insist that somebody carry you.  We're working on it.  You seem to have daddy's warm blood, and prefer to be in a warm room next to a fire with hot chocolate rather than skating out in the cold.  We took you ice skating this month in Minneapolis with Tio Gerardo, and while you enjoyed being pushed around on the all-too-awesome ice sled thing, once your fingers got a bit nippy, you really wanted to be back in the warm house.  Daddy obliged (twist his arm, why don't you) and you were happy as pie drinking chocolate milk and eating a warm chocolate chip cookie.  Which, by the way, is your favorite word to say, "Chocolate."  You request chocolate milk in the morning, and have discovered where and when there might be chocolates present (which was often recently due to Christmas and Advent calendars) and will ask so politely for "Chocolate.  Please?"  You even learned to differentiate M&Ms and now ask for them by name.
One of the best things about you right now is your words. You are so darn verbal and your voice so sweet and perfect.  The words keep bubbling out of you, with new ones almost daily.  It's amazing to watch you learn about language, and such fun to realize that you are telling us what you need.  You know so many animal sounds, and will point to the animals in a book and make their sound, and for many of them, say their name as well.  You say "Nope" as your standard answer to anything and can request to nurse by saying the proper name.  You used to say "Nuh", but now it has a definite R and S sound, making it an unmistakable "Nurse."
You have thoroughly enjoyed Christmas preparations, and gotten yourself involved in everything, much to your sister's dismay.  Sofia likes to have things a certain way, you and are often intent on destroying whatever sense of order she has imposed.  You grabbed our cinnamon rolls before they were ready to go in the oven, leaving finger-shaped holes in them.  You ate handfuls of gingerbread dough, and spilled the red hots and M&Ms all over the floor.  You grab ornaments off the tree ("pretty!") and absolutely love having the family sing "The 12 Days of Christmas".  In harmony.  I didn't much care for that carol before this year, but now I can picture your smile and joy at hearing it.  There is a page in the book we have that has two dogs and a woman stringing popcorn for their tree.  You will find that page and stare at it for a long time ("Puppies!"  "Popcorn!")
You are a stinker.  You like to run away from me when I'm changing your diaper, and love to be chased and tickled.  You like to take whatever toy your sister has and make off with it.  You are a love. You give the best hugs and kisses, and love to be cuddled.  You say "hi" and "ciao" and "bye-bye" and "night-night" and "bear."  You love to wrestle your sister on the floor and don't want to left out of anything.
You are so special, little lady.  I love you to the moon and back.
Love,
Mama