Sleep

or rather, the lack there of, for me, my husband, and most notably, Sofia. Boy, are you going to be tired of hearing about sleep.

We go from having one great night to one horrible night. Last night falls in the horrible category. She was up, literally, every half an hour. Wanting to nurse. No, insisting to nurse. Loudly. In that cry that makes me want to move mountains to be by her side. Or make it go away, anyway. I acquiesced the first three or four times (really, who's counting) but finally at 3 am, I refused. I held her, I cuddled, I hushed, I gave her her pacifier. I told her it wasn't time to nurse, it was time to sleep, and to my immense surprise, she laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. So, I put her in her crib.
You would have thought I was trying to kill her, the noise she made. So I said goodnight and forced myself out the door. Hubby (dear, dear hubby) wakes up. He goes to her room. He brings her to me, asking if she had nursed.
Me: "YES!"
Him: when? It's 3 am already.
Sofia: RRRRROARRRR
Me: at 2:freaking30!
So, he takes her and I hear crying, and I cringe in my bed, forcing myself not to go nurse her. Then, she gets quiet, and eventually I fall asleep.
And then, the dream. I'm on a walk. Across the country. With my sisters. Suddenly, I realize that I left Sofia at home, alone, upstairs. I start running. And running. And not only do I have to run, but I'm being chased. And I have to dodge my predators and get through all these traps. Finally, I almost reach home, and see Sofia coming toward me. Only she isn't whole--something happened to her legs and her body. I had failed her.
Think my subconscious is telling me something?
So, I just don't know what to do. She is ONE.YEAR.OLD. That is plenty old enough not to nurse at night, plenty old enough to sleep all night long. But, I don't want to deny her if she is actually in need. What if she's getting sick and just wants mom? What if her teeth hurt? What if she's missing me and just wants to be reassured? Do I keep up nursing? Do I put my foot down?
All I know is, I get another cup of coffee. at 2pm.