That's my girl.

We went to a party last night, just Sofie and me.  We had wine and orange juice for the under 3 set.  We talked to adults and a certain someone charmed the pants off of every woman there.  And we had chocolate.  Oh, yes.  Sofia can not get enough of the chocolate.  She knows exactly what a candy wrapper looks like, and even ventured into the arms of Unknown Man (aka Uncle Bob) to get her hands on some M&Ms.  

That's my girl.

It is good to get out of the house once in awhile and just pretend that everything is okay.  It is hard work remembering all the bad luck and crap all the time, holding it up and clutching desperately at straws to hold it all together before it all hits a fan and is scattered.  Setting that load down is hard to do, but essential for sanity.  That's what last night's party was supposed to be.  And for the most part, it was.  I laughed and smiled and chatted.  However, small talk with people you don't see all that often inevitably starts with this question:  How are you?  Usually, that's not a big deal, not a tough question to answer.  And I could just lie.  Say we're fine, thanks so much, and how are you?  But I'm not a good liar, even little white-conversation-saver lies.  My eyes tear up and I muster a "We're okay" response and then look away quickly.

With any amount of luck and a lot of hard work, we'll be okay.  Someday, I won't feel like I'm drowning, that water is closing in on me from every direction and I don't have any idea which way up is, and even if I knew that, I couldn't find the shore to get out of this danger anyway.  I'll have my life in control and I'll feel just happy.  Someday.  

But not today.  Today, I have to seek out those moments.  Those times when I can just sip wine and set down the burdens of the day.  Times when M&Ms are the only thing that I need to smile.