My Cinderella

Remember that feeling you used to get as a kid on Christmas Eve? That butterflies-in-the-stomach, anticipation, over-stimulated excitedment? Well, that's me.
I'm getting so excited for Sofia's party--I'm so giddy and shaky it's silly. I mean, it isn't that big of a deal. It is a backyard bbq with cake. It is the philosophical side, I guess. I'm totally mushy about my girl, and the fact that we get to celebrate one whole year together, one year as a family, one year of her living and breathing and crying and being, is just overwhelming.
Is it going to be like this on every birthday? For Every kid?
I mean, she isn't even going to remember today, or Saturday (her actual birthday) or Sunday (the day or her party). She'll probably be tired and whiny and have hurt teeth and wonder where all the people who are trying to hold her are coming from. But to me, it means something more, and I'll remember all the feelings leading up to this day, just as I'm remembering all the feelings leading up to her Birth Day, the day she was born.

I still feel that she is a dream. Like Cinderella, at midnight she'll just disappear.

Last night, I was rocking her before putting her to bed, and her chubby little arms wrapped around my chest and she sighed and snuggled my bosom. I held her close, and couldn't believe this was real. How can I be so lucky to have this person in my life? How can she love me so? She's just too perfect to be real.

But she's not, not really. She whines. She fusses. She cries. She gets mad. Like all kids, some days I want to send her to live with the gypsies. Or at least let Grandma take her for the afternoon. But most of the time? It's a dream.

It's life-changing, this thing called birth, and each birthday is the memory of that day, with the person they have become blowing out the candles, and it is hard to wrap your mind around.
Life is real, and that clock will never strike twelve, even though I constantly feel like it is 11:59.
So, I finished her little party hat (complete with feather boa), and got the party decorations. I have plans for food, and will bake cakes tomorrow. Her portraits are scheduled, and we've been birthday shopping. All this preparation and anticipation to celebrate that incredible instant that her soul joined ours.



And so lucky we are.