Amalia Susan

A Birth Story

Even though we went late in my pregnancy with Sofia, for some reason, I was convinced (and so was everyone around me) that I wouldn’t go late with Amalia.  For one, I started having regular Braxton hicks contractions and cramping starting at about 30 weeks.  For another, I was ginormous.  Seriously huge.  

For a third, at 37 weeks, contractions that started to hurt and occur at regular intervals kept me awake, and happened throughout the day.  Frustratingly, they always stopped eventually.  The belly, which had always been relatively low, dropped noticeably at 38 weeks.  “Can’t be much longer,” I thought.  Every day, I waited for labor.  And waited.  And hoped.  Every day, when Julio left for work, I would say goodbye by telling him that I planned to call him that day.  Never happened.  At my 38 week appointment, I was only 1 cm dilated, and about 50% effaced.  At 39 weeks, I was 3 cm, and my doctor assured me progress was being made and that it wouldn’t be much longer.  At 40 weeks (and three days), I was almost a 4, but still no real signs of labor. 

            “What day do you want to have a baby?” my doctor asked. 
“Today?” I replied hopefully.  We scheduled induction for Thursday, August 25 at 6 am.  Three more days.  I could make it.  I had hoped to avoid induction, because I really wanted to do this labor without an epidural, and I knew it would be harder if I was on pitocin.  I was Group B positive, though, so needed an IV anyway to administer the necessary antibiotics. 

“I don’t think you’ll make it to Thursday, anyway,” said Dr. Andrews-Fike.  “Though, I didn’t think you’d make it this far.”

I went to class that Wednesday night, and everyone was as surprised to see me as I was dismayed to be there.  I really thought I’d have had a baby by that point.  Mom came with me to class just in case I went into labor on the drive or in class, though our extra preparation probably stopped labor from happening.  Or not.  She was just comfy in there.  I was not so comfy.  I couldn’t sleep very well – I was getting up to pee five or more times a night, could only sleep on my side, but got such terrible hip pain.  Poor Sofia was ready to have a lap to sit in once more.

I kissed Sofia goodnight that night, telling her Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t be home when she woke up, that we were going to the hospital to have baby Amalia.  I packed and repacked my bags, and tried to make sure everything at home was ready and waiting.  The next time we’d be home, we would bring home a baby and finally be our family or four.

            We got to the hospital just past 6 am, and got settled into our room.  The whiteboard in the room said, “Welcome Rebecca and Julio!”  How sweet.  I felt ready and anxious to get things going.  We got my IV started and paperwork filled out, and waited for Dr. Fike.  She arrived just past 7, and we decided to break my water, to see if that would put things in active labor.  I was on the monitors, and was having contractions every 5-7 minutes, though I couldn’t always feel them.  “How long have you been this regular?” asked the doctor.  I’d been that regular for months.  At that point, I was at a 4, and they were hopeful that breaking the water would be all that was needed to start active labor.  Water broke at 7:30 am, and we had 4 hours to see if we could get things moving.  Julio and I watched bad tv, and went for a walk around the hospital.  I willed my body to contract, already!  It didn’t work.  I could usually feel the contractions, but they definitely weren’t active labor.  We started pitocin at 11 am.  I was scared of it, since I’d heard the pain was so much worse, but opted to try without the epidural.

            The nurses monitored the pitocin and my contractions carefully – they wanted to be sure that active labor was starting, but also that contractions weren’t too strong or too close together.  Once pitocin was started, I could definitely feel when I was having contractions, and they started to get closer together.  I could feel them, but they didn’t hurt yet.  My mom had gotten to the hospital by that point, and kept me company while Julio took one last nap before I would really need him.  Mom said Sofia had a great morning – she woke up looking for me, but when Grandma came in to remind her that we were at the hospital, said “Grandma, do you know how to make chocolate milk?”  and that was that.  She and Grandpa were doing great at home, and was excited to hear that she would be a big sister soon.

            About 12:30 or so, the contractions started to hurt.  We were in active labor.  Julio was, once again, a fantastic labor coach.  We had Pandora playing, and as long as I was clutching onto Julio’s neck, could make it through each contraction.  Not too much later, I began to have back labor.  I had brought my rice pack, in preparation for that, as the same thing happened with Sofia.  With Mom pressing the hot rice pack onto my back, and Julio holding onto my front, I made it through each one.  I had about a minute rest between them, and felt like I was doing great.  The nurses came in to monitor contractions and the baby’s heartrate every once in a while, and everything was doing fine.  I was checked at about 2 pm (or so) and was only 4.5. I was disappointed, but doing well.Things were starting to hurt more, and we decided to labor in the shower.  Having the water hit my body was quite relaxing for awhile.  After the shift changed, and I got a new nurse, my labor really picked up.  Korinna was my new nurse, and she was wonderful.  A few times, I started to feel panicky.  With my wonderful labor team, I was able to calm myself down and remember not to suffer.  Amazingly, the pain was so much less when I didn’t give myself into it.  At about 4:30 or so, I was fading.  I was tired, and it took so much more concentration to not suffer through each contraction.  I asked for some nubain, a pain medication administered through the IV that would take the edge off.  With the medication, I was able to relax quite a bit.  The contractions still hurt just as much, but I was able to keep calm through them.  Not too long after getting the medicine, my belly starting to push down at the end of each contraction.  I didn’t recognize it as the urge to push, but after half an hour of that, I decided to mention it to the nurse.  After a few more contractions that way we decided to check my cervix.  “Oh yeah, you can push that kid out now!” said the nurse!  Mom and Julio were overjoyed, but I was just in pain.  I remember feeling relieved that it was almost over, but the pushing part felt so different than it did the first time.  Dr. Andrews-Fike came in, and with Korinna and Mom and Julio, they gave me time, encouragement, and exactly what I needed.  I focused on my doctor, her telling me that yes, I can do it, and the sight of Amalia’s head starting to move down my birth canal.  With the mirror, I would just watch her while I geared up to push again.  And finally, release!  She popped out, screaming and just perfect.  The doctor put her on my chest, and I just stared at her.  She was rather blue, so she didn’t get to stay on my chest very long.  They brought her to the warmer, and made sure that she was doing okay.  After a few minutes, when she was pink, I got her back, and she instantly latched onto my breast.  What a latch!  What a suck!  She was born a nurser.

            When Sofia was born, Julio had apprehension all over his face.  That fear was so sweet, of not being sure what to expect, or how this tiny person would affect his life.  This time, with Amalia, he did not have that fear.  I saw an intensity of joy, he melted at the sight her of body.  This time, Daddy was ready.

            As soon as she was born and brought to the warmer, I could tell she was bigger than Sofia.  I said so.  “You’d  better believe it!”  I was stunned when she weighed at 9 lbs 9 oz.!  That’s a big newborn!  I pushed that baby out of my body, I created that perfect human being, born with a double chin and cheeks made for kissing.

            There is nothing that compares to giving birth to an entire human being.  The intense feelings of love are beyond explanation.  Love doesn’t even begin to describe the feelings of the moment I brought my daughter into this world, the first moment I saw the face of the person I’ve gotten to know for nine months.  

            Amalia Susan, I love you more than I will ever be able to explain or understand, or even show to you.  You are perfect.  You are a miracle.  You are such a blessing to me, to your daddy, to this family.  I hope you have a happy, beautiful life.  I hope you find love, kindness, and happiness, and I hope you bring love and happiness to those around you.  You are so loved, and are already making the world a better place.  It has only been two and half weeks, and already I know you.  I know your cry, and I see who you are in those beautiful, big, brown eyes of yours.  You are special, you are incredible.  I’m excited and honored and lucky to be a part of your life, to be your Mama.  I love you, angel mine.

More of the same

Still pregnant.  Still enormous.  Little girl is pressing down big time on my bladder and pelvic muscles. It hurts to walk.  I can't reach the sink to wash the dishes.  I'm so ready to get this child out.
I was über cranky on Monday, with emotions running wild with tears I just couldn't stop.  I was just desperate to get the baby out.  It was one of those days.  Not a good day.  Sofia told me I just had to cheer up, and then I'd have a good day!  I had a doctor's appointment, where we discovered that hey!  She's low!  I'm also 50% effaced and 1-2 cm dilated.  I also lost three pounds.  We planned to tour the hospital afterwards, but when I called, they said they had no rooms to show me, and no staff to spare.  Seriously, we've tried three times now, and they've always been too full.  Will I have to labor in the hallway?
This child could hold out for another three weeks.  Yikes.  Due date is now nine days away.  I can make it.  I can.  Really.

Seriously Braxton? Give it a rest!

I'm not sure I ever had a Braxton Hicks contraction while pregnant with Sofia.  Perhaps at the very end while on my daily 3-mile walks in 90 degree heat; then I had a few that lasted the whole walk.  This time around, however?  Braxton Hicks Central.
I'm not quite 31 weeks, and I feel like I'm getting these tightenings all day every day.  Every single time I woke up last night (which was at least five, welcome to pregnancy bladder, and nightmares for a three-year-old) my belly was rock hard and even hurting.  They say to call the doctor if you are having more than three an hour, but truthfully, I haven't timed anything.  Pretty sure I'm not in preterm labor or anything, but I hope all this 'practice' leads to a faster labor than the last time.

I think we have also chosen a name.  Well, a first name, at least, which is the most important.  I'm so excited, though it feels strange to call her by a name now, and not constantly wonder what we should name her.  On the plus side, though, perhaps I can focus some energy of SOMETHING ELSE.  Seriously.  All my mental energy lately has been captured by the baby.  And the baby's name.  And wondering what the baby will be like.  And calculating just how many more days 10 weeks is.  And contemplating the likelihood of remaining pregnant until September.   Let me tell you, the house and school is suffering because of it.  Why can't I get that nesting instinct I've heard so much about?

29 Weeks

I am a terrible blogger.  However, as I haven't made any other sort of pregnancy journal this time around, and as I am sitting at the computer procrastinating the paper I have to write for class, what better thing to do than remember that I have a blog.
Little Chickadee, or Gomerina, as Grandpa has now christened her, is doing wonderfully.  She is such a delicate little baby, that though she moves often, she doesn't kick very strongly, which worries me.  The belly is definitely growing, however, and when I try to count kicks, I always get enough, so I'm trying not to be concerned.  She's just kind to her mother, that's all, and perhaps the inner-womb calmness will translate to out-or-womb calmness as well.
We spend a lot of time these days (or I should say I do, as it isn't Julio's favorite activity) trying to figure out her name.  Sofia likes to do this with me, and her suggestions range from wonderful to no-way-in-hell.  Lily is her favorite, but as Daddy has nixed that idea, we have to convince her that it will not be her sister's name.  We have  a list.  A short list that doesn't contain any names I am crazy about, but it is a list.  We have 11 weeks left.  We'll get there, right?
I've visited several rummage sales this spring/summer, and have found some new baby things, including the things we borrowed last time from Gavins who are now expecting their own new little guy this month. Chickadee will have her own room, as Aunt Sarah has signed a lease for an apartment in Chicago with a friend to start in August.  I'm so excited for her!  And glad to know I have a place to put the crib.
Both Sofia and Daddy have gotten to feel the baby kick against their hands, which delights them both.  Sofia loves to kiss her baby sister, and thinks that the baby is kissing her back.  I hope this complete, unadultered love continues to when that baby is more reality than fantasy.  For now, she tells me how much she loves her baby, what a great big sister she'll be, how she'll read her stories and share her toys and tickle her toes.  It's really sweet.  She says she's so lucky to have the baby as her baby sister.  I know the baby is lucky to have Sofia as her big sister, too.
When I was pregnant with Sofia, she seemed like such a reality.  I could picture the new baby and our family together.  This baby seems more fantasy to me.  I know she's there and she's growing, and every day gets closer to when she'll actually be here, but it just doesn't seem real.  Like she's still just a flicker of my imagination or a hope in my heart.  I can't picture our life with her yet, but can't imagine a future without her, either.  Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she doesn't have a name yet.  Carrying a second baby really is so different from the first, even though the pregnancies themselves haven't been all that different.  Life is different, her place in our family is different.
I've been getting so tired lately, and headaches more often.  I try to get the same amount of work done as I did before, but I just can't seem to.  My body falls asleep and my belly feels tight.  Sleeping is getting difficult, as my hips get so sore and my arms fall asleep and I have to get up to pee so many times.
Sofia just woke up from her nap, and we promised a trip to a playground on this beautiful day.  Gotta run.

It's a...

 Look at that ickle little profile!  I want to smother that little nose with smooches!

Sofia got into the spirit with a paint brush and lots of enthusiasm.  It's a little girl!  Second girls are the best.  Really.  And not just because I am a second daughter, no, not at all.

Sofia has been certain for as long as she's known about the impending sibling that she was having a baby sister.  So insistent, actually, that we have been working really hard on convincing her that it could be a baby brother, and that would be wonderful, too.  Perhaps, we sold it a little too hard.  When we found out for certain it was a girl, she looked at me and said, "But I thought we were having a boy baby like Johanna and Missy."
We're all very excited to meet this little one.  She looks great; all her parts and pieces seem to be in order, with a strong heart, kidneys, stomach, diaphragm (they actually commented on how beautiful her diaphragm is), umbilical cord, and whatever else they measure.  I've been convinced that our due date of August 19 is actually a week early, but Baby Girl is measuring on target for that due date.  Maybe I'll end up with an August baby after all; I've been preparing to last until September.  Gosh, I hope not.  After seeing that precious little being sucking her fingers, and moving all around, I just want to hold her tight.  We even got to see a little bitty ear!
She's absolutely perfect.  We're absolutely blessed.

I Get it Now. Sorry, Mom.

I am a second child.  Not only am I a second child, I am a middle child.  A poor, neglected middle child.  My whole life, I wanted to be sure that I filled out the second baby's baby book.  Took just as many pictures.  Did everything as close to the same as I did with the first one.  I'm not yet 20 weeks pregnant with my second, and am already failing in my quest.  I don't even own a pregnancy book, yet with Sofia, I had each page filled out to the minute.  I haven't taken a single belly picture yet.  Now, for a normal pregnant woman, this would be no big deal.  For me, however?  I took a belly picture nearly every week starting at 12 weeks with Sofia.  When pregnant with Sofia, I practically had the crib set up by 20 weeks.  I don't even know if we have a place to put a crib with this baby, and have bought nothing save a cute Christmas outfit I found on clearance back in January.  We sort of, maybe, kind of, have a possible list of maybe-names, but definitely have not even come close to deciding first or middle name yet.  For boy or girl.  I don't sing to this baby like I did to Sofia (i know, sick.  I was that pregnant person), don't talk to it as much as I did to Sofia.  I do read and sing to Baby's big sister, so he/she sort of gets the benefit, right?
Not that we aren't as excited as we were with Sofia.  We're thrilled.  Every little kick is like a celebration, and watching my belly get bigger gives us all such a thrill.  We find out in one week if Chickadee is a boy or a girl,  get to see his/her face looking like an actual baby and not a blob.  I am so blessed and honored to be able to do this again, to be mom to another amazing human being.  It's just that, we've done this before.  Everything isn't new.  We tried for so long and so hard to get pregnant with a baby that stuck, and it felt like every new thing with that pregnancy was a prize that I never thought I'd be able to experience.  This time, knock on wood, it just worked.  We didn't have any losses between Sofia and Chickadee (thank goodness).  Life keeps moving quickly, with a preschooler taking energy, the farm, school, work, sometimes that baby just gets forgotten.  Then, I'll feel a little wiggle in my belly, and get a huge grin remembering the miracle that is inside me right now.
So, Mom, I get it.  Second babies, just like you've always said, are just as loved as their siblings, it is just harder to do all the tangible things that show it.  I swear, though, I am going to take as many pictures of this baby.  I am.  I am going to read stories to just my little one, going to give him/her the time alone with just Mom.  Somehow, some way.  Chickadee needs it, and so do I.

Gaining weeks

Well, our wee chickadee has been very busy!  After the last ultrasound, I expected it to measure just past 8 weeks.  Well, the tech surprised us, measuring it at 9.  Then, I got a call from the doctor, saying it actually measured 9 weeks 5 days, moving our due date up to August 19!  That was a week and a half ago, so we are now 11 weeks along, and looking forward to an actual OB visit!  I have an intake appointment on Tuesday, and will beg for a quick doppler listen.  Hearing that amazing flutter will help me immensely.

Along with my elation, I am terrified.  We willingly are creating another human being?  To be responsible for?  What were we thinking?  It's hard to imagine how Chickadee will affect our family dynamic, how Sofia will react, if I'll be able to find the time to give them both the attention they deserve.  I know people do it every day, but that doesn't make me any less nervous.  As a second child myself, I really want to make sure that this little one gets the same love and devotion Sofia did (and does).  I want to make sure to take just as many pictures, write down just as many details, remember just as many dates, actually fill out a second baby book.  I'm so excited for our family, but so anxious at the same time.