Amalia Susan

A Birth Story

Even though we went late in my pregnancy with Sofia, for some reason, I was convinced (and so was everyone around me) that I wouldn’t go late with Amalia.  For one, I started having regular Braxton hicks contractions and cramping starting at about 30 weeks.  For another, I was ginormous.  Seriously huge.  

For a third, at 37 weeks, contractions that started to hurt and occur at regular intervals kept me awake, and happened throughout the day.  Frustratingly, they always stopped eventually.  The belly, which had always been relatively low, dropped noticeably at 38 weeks.  “Can’t be much longer,” I thought.  Every day, I waited for labor.  And waited.  And hoped.  Every day, when Julio left for work, I would say goodbye by telling him that I planned to call him that day.  Never happened.  At my 38 week appointment, I was only 1 cm dilated, and about 50% effaced.  At 39 weeks, I was 3 cm, and my doctor assured me progress was being made and that it wouldn’t be much longer.  At 40 weeks (and three days), I was almost a 4, but still no real signs of labor. 

            “What day do you want to have a baby?” my doctor asked. 
“Today?” I replied hopefully.  We scheduled induction for Thursday, August 25 at 6 am.  Three more days.  I could make it.  I had hoped to avoid induction, because I really wanted to do this labor without an epidural, and I knew it would be harder if I was on pitocin.  I was Group B positive, though, so needed an IV anyway to administer the necessary antibiotics. 

“I don’t think you’ll make it to Thursday, anyway,” said Dr. Andrews-Fike.  “Though, I didn’t think you’d make it this far.”

I went to class that Wednesday night, and everyone was as surprised to see me as I was dismayed to be there.  I really thought I’d have had a baby by that point.  Mom came with me to class just in case I went into labor on the drive or in class, though our extra preparation probably stopped labor from happening.  Or not.  She was just comfy in there.  I was not so comfy.  I couldn’t sleep very well – I was getting up to pee five or more times a night, could only sleep on my side, but got such terrible hip pain.  Poor Sofia was ready to have a lap to sit in once more.

I kissed Sofia goodnight that night, telling her Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t be home when she woke up, that we were going to the hospital to have baby Amalia.  I packed and repacked my bags, and tried to make sure everything at home was ready and waiting.  The next time we’d be home, we would bring home a baby and finally be our family or four.

            We got to the hospital just past 6 am, and got settled into our room.  The whiteboard in the room said, “Welcome Rebecca and Julio!”  How sweet.  I felt ready and anxious to get things going.  We got my IV started and paperwork filled out, and waited for Dr. Fike.  She arrived just past 7, and we decided to break my water, to see if that would put things in active labor.  I was on the monitors, and was having contractions every 5-7 minutes, though I couldn’t always feel them.  “How long have you been this regular?” asked the doctor.  I’d been that regular for months.  At that point, I was at a 4, and they were hopeful that breaking the water would be all that was needed to start active labor.  Water broke at 7:30 am, and we had 4 hours to see if we could get things moving.  Julio and I watched bad tv, and went for a walk around the hospital.  I willed my body to contract, already!  It didn’t work.  I could usually feel the contractions, but they definitely weren’t active labor.  We started pitocin at 11 am.  I was scared of it, since I’d heard the pain was so much worse, but opted to try without the epidural.

            The nurses monitored the pitocin and my contractions carefully – they wanted to be sure that active labor was starting, but also that contractions weren’t too strong or too close together.  Once pitocin was started, I could definitely feel when I was having contractions, and they started to get closer together.  I could feel them, but they didn’t hurt yet.  My mom had gotten to the hospital by that point, and kept me company while Julio took one last nap before I would really need him.  Mom said Sofia had a great morning – she woke up looking for me, but when Grandma came in to remind her that we were at the hospital, said “Grandma, do you know how to make chocolate milk?”  and that was that.  She and Grandpa were doing great at home, and was excited to hear that she would be a big sister soon.

            About 12:30 or so, the contractions started to hurt.  We were in active labor.  Julio was, once again, a fantastic labor coach.  We had Pandora playing, and as long as I was clutching onto Julio’s neck, could make it through each contraction.  Not too much later, I began to have back labor.  I had brought my rice pack, in preparation for that, as the same thing happened with Sofia.  With Mom pressing the hot rice pack onto my back, and Julio holding onto my front, I made it through each one.  I had about a minute rest between them, and felt like I was doing great.  The nurses came in to monitor contractions and the baby’s heartrate every once in a while, and everything was doing fine.  I was checked at about 2 pm (or so) and was only 4.5. I was disappointed, but doing well.Things were starting to hurt more, and we decided to labor in the shower.  Having the water hit my body was quite relaxing for awhile.  After the shift changed, and I got a new nurse, my labor really picked up.  Korinna was my new nurse, and she was wonderful.  A few times, I started to feel panicky.  With my wonderful labor team, I was able to calm myself down and remember not to suffer.  Amazingly, the pain was so much less when I didn’t give myself into it.  At about 4:30 or so, I was fading.  I was tired, and it took so much more concentration to not suffer through each contraction.  I asked for some nubain, a pain medication administered through the IV that would take the edge off.  With the medication, I was able to relax quite a bit.  The contractions still hurt just as much, but I was able to keep calm through them.  Not too long after getting the medicine, my belly starting to push down at the end of each contraction.  I didn’t recognize it as the urge to push, but after half an hour of that, I decided to mention it to the nurse.  After a few more contractions that way we decided to check my cervix.  “Oh yeah, you can push that kid out now!” said the nurse!  Mom and Julio were overjoyed, but I was just in pain.  I remember feeling relieved that it was almost over, but the pushing part felt so different than it did the first time.  Dr. Andrews-Fike came in, and with Korinna and Mom and Julio, they gave me time, encouragement, and exactly what I needed.  I focused on my doctor, her telling me that yes, I can do it, and the sight of Amalia’s head starting to move down my birth canal.  With the mirror, I would just watch her while I geared up to push again.  And finally, release!  She popped out, screaming and just perfect.  The doctor put her on my chest, and I just stared at her.  She was rather blue, so she didn’t get to stay on my chest very long.  They brought her to the warmer, and made sure that she was doing okay.  After a few minutes, when she was pink, I got her back, and she instantly latched onto my breast.  What a latch!  What a suck!  She was born a nurser.

            When Sofia was born, Julio had apprehension all over his face.  That fear was so sweet, of not being sure what to expect, or how this tiny person would affect his life.  This time, with Amalia, he did not have that fear.  I saw an intensity of joy, he melted at the sight her of body.  This time, Daddy was ready.

            As soon as she was born and brought to the warmer, I could tell she was bigger than Sofia.  I said so.  “You’d  better believe it!”  I was stunned when she weighed at 9 lbs 9 oz.!  That’s a big newborn!  I pushed that baby out of my body, I created that perfect human being, born with a double chin and cheeks made for kissing.

            There is nothing that compares to giving birth to an entire human being.  The intense feelings of love are beyond explanation.  Love doesn’t even begin to describe the feelings of the moment I brought my daughter into this world, the first moment I saw the face of the person I’ve gotten to know for nine months.  

            Amalia Susan, I love you more than I will ever be able to explain or understand, or even show to you.  You are perfect.  You are a miracle.  You are such a blessing to me, to your daddy, to this family.  I hope you have a happy, beautiful life.  I hope you find love, kindness, and happiness, and I hope you bring love and happiness to those around you.  You are so loved, and are already making the world a better place.  It has only been two and half weeks, and already I know you.  I know your cry, and I see who you are in those beautiful, big, brown eyes of yours.  You are special, you are incredible.  I’m excited and honored and lucky to be a part of your life, to be your Mama.  I love you, angel mine.

Will I get these brain cells back?

So, I wrote that last post on August 17, actually one day after Sofia's birthday.  I didn't get around to actually posting it until today.  Finding actual thoughts to put together is difficult.  Finding nouns and putting together sentences is sometimes impossible.  Remembering things?  A thing of the past.  I went to the grocery store today without a list.  I floundered around, circling the place several times and walked out with milk (which we needed!  score!) and some other random crap.  I cannot be trusted.
40 weeks 2 days.  Not particularly late, but more than ready.  Today, I've been having increased contractions and more pain.  I also had several bouts of shortness of breath and racing heart that made me sit down.  I keep trying to convince this kid that it is time to evict, time to meet the rest of us.  She's unconvinced.  I have an OB appointment tomorrow, and am hoping to get some sort of plan of action.  Actually, I'm hoping to be 7 cm dilated and sent to the hospital for the most painless labor ever, but that seems unlikely.
Hello?  Labor?  I'm ready and waiting!

More of the same

Still pregnant.  Still enormous.  Little girl is pressing down big time on my bladder and pelvic muscles. It hurts to walk.  I can't reach the sink to wash the dishes.  I'm so ready to get this child out.
I was über cranky on Monday, with emotions running wild with tears I just couldn't stop.  I was just desperate to get the baby out.  It was one of those days.  Not a good day.  Sofia told me I just had to cheer up, and then I'd have a good day!  I had a doctor's appointment, where we discovered that hey!  She's low!  I'm also 50% effaced and 1-2 cm dilated.  I also lost three pounds.  We planned to tour the hospital afterwards, but when I called, they said they had no rooms to show me, and no staff to spare.  Seriously, we've tried three times now, and they've always been too full.  Will I have to labor in the hallway?
This child could hold out for another three weeks.  Yikes.  Due date is now nine days away.  I can make it.  I can.  Really.

Drop it, girl!

And...the baby dropped.  Big time.  Look at this!

Please to ignore the stretch marks.

I'm very ready.  I promised myself I wouldn't get overly anxious this time, that I'd let the baby decide and try not to obsess over when labor will start, is labor starting?  how much longer until labor starts?  Turns out, it's not that easy.  I'm just over 38 weeks now, pretty early for any baby to make an appearance.  I probably have another two weeks.  I can be patient.  I can.  Really.

But I don't want to be! :)  I want to hold this little girl, welcome her into our family.  Not be pregnant anymore.  Though, I know I should be relishing in every minute that I'm pregnant with this girl.  This could be my last pregnancy, our last child.  We could stop at two.  That is a decision we'll make down the road, but still. This could be it.  Every time I feel her sweet little feet, I rejoice.  Every instant she is a part of not just my soul, but of my body, is a miracle in itself.  I love being pregnant.  

I'm just ready.  Show me a pregnant woman not anxious to meet her baby at 38 weeks - I don't think they exist.  All part and parcel of the amazing journey of creating a baby.  

I love you, Amalia Susan.  I am so honored to be your mama, and so grateful that you are growing healthily and perfectly inside my body.  I am so excited to meet you, to hold you, to cradle you, to kiss you.  We're ready whenever you are.  

36 Weeks

I can't believe we are almost at the end.  This little girl has grown so much, and firmly implanted her soul into our little family.  Some days it seems that we just found out she was coming a few days ago; other days it seems that I have been pregnant forever and that she's never going to be born.
Yesterday was the latter kind of day.  It has been hot.  Very hot.  And humid.  Very humid.  We're talking real temperatures up to 100 degrees with 80% humidity.  Sadly, I'm not exaggerating.  Yesterday wasn't quite that hot, but it did reach 90 and the humidity topped off at about 77%.  Not comfortable, especially when pregnant.  I can't really bend over, I'm getting a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, and I'm hormonally cranky.  I apologized to Sofia many times yesterday for being so crabby, but I couldn't seem to shake it.  I couldn't get myself to do anything.  Literally, anything.  I didn't do dishes, I didn't start laundry.  I didn't do homework, I didn't vacuum.  I did do the chores, but only because I had to and Julio was at work.  I didn't even cook.  We had Sunday night popcorn on Saturday, because that was ambitious as I could get myself.  The baby felt like she weighed a million pounds.  It was one of those days.
Today dawned a tad less humid, a tad less hot, and a lot kinder on my moods.  My belly feels lighter, as does my head.  I actually laughed today.  Today I feel that another six weeks of being pregnant won't kill me, and if this baby does decide to go over her due date it won't be the worst thing.  Because really, who wants to cuddle a newborn in this heat in a house with no air conditioning?  Tomorrow, of course, I'll be wishing on my lucky stars that she'll be one of those amazing babies that comes at 37 weeks in a labor that only lasts a few hours.
I'm not sure what it is, but this baby really likes my right side.  Funnily enough, so did Sofia.  Today, I felt the baby mostly on the left side, and it kind of weirded me out.  What is she doing over there?  :)  I feel hiccups at least once a day; the other day, we even got to see the hiccups.  She's no longer kicking so much as rolling and repositioning.  When she does kick, however, it isn't aimed toward the outside.  It is aimed toward my bladder and other vital organs on the inside.  Good news, that probably means she isn't posterior, right?
Sofia is going to be an incredible big sister.  She gives the baby belly hugs and kisses, and tells me how I am going to have two girls, and they'll both always be my babies.  She wanted to get on my lap, and I told her that soon, after the baby is born, she can cuddle on my lap again.  "But Mommy, the baby will have to nurse!"  I reassured her that the baby will not be nursing ALL the time, and that Daddy can hold the baby and I can hold her sometimes.  "Okay.  But then the baby will need to nurse again, and you can hold the baby and Daddy can hold me."
She can crack me up.  There is a memory-type game featuring the characters of the Arthur book series that she loves, and is forever trying to get people to play with her.  One day, Sarah was in the livingroom, and sad-sounding classical music was on the radio.  "Sarah, why are you sad?"  Sarah told her she wasn't sad.  "Oh, but the music is sad.  I know what will cheer you up; we should play the Arthur game!"  Little manipulator.
We had a baby shower the other day - the women at Julio's work got together to throw him a surprise baby shower.  It was the sweetest thing.  There was a potluck lunch with all the residents, and everyone was incredibly generous and loving.  We got a bunch of really great gifts, including a baby comforter made by the residents.  I absolutely love it.  Sofia was enthralled by the whole thing, oohing and ahhing over every present.  She was so proud to help Daddy open them, and genuinely excited about each tiny baby thing.  She even received a present; bubbles and some great bubble blowers and sidewalk chalk!  Julio often tries to bring her to visit the residents, but she is so shy, she mostly hides her head on Daddy's shoulder or behind my legs.  Friday, however, she warmed up after 20 minutes or so, and showed them all her great personality.
We went to Hartman Creek State Park beach afterwards, where we played in the water, which felt great on my heavy belly.  Sofia was very excited to use her new bubbles.  She also discovered that her life jacket will hold her upright in the water, and loved swimming by herself.  I hope it helps her gain more confidence in the water.
So, little lady, this whole family is so ready to meet you.  I can't believe you are almost here, and that soon, I'll be kissing your head, holding you close, and loving you completely.  I can't wait.

Seriously Braxton? Give it a rest!

I'm not sure I ever had a Braxton Hicks contraction while pregnant with Sofia.  Perhaps at the very end while on my daily 3-mile walks in 90 degree heat; then I had a few that lasted the whole walk.  This time around, however?  Braxton Hicks Central.
I'm not quite 31 weeks, and I feel like I'm getting these tightenings all day every day.  Every single time I woke up last night (which was at least five, welcome to pregnancy bladder, and nightmares for a three-year-old) my belly was rock hard and even hurting.  They say to call the doctor if you are having more than three an hour, but truthfully, I haven't timed anything.  Pretty sure I'm not in preterm labor or anything, but I hope all this 'practice' leads to a faster labor than the last time.

I think we have also chosen a name.  Well, a first name, at least, which is the most important.  I'm so excited, though it feels strange to call her by a name now, and not constantly wonder what we should name her.  On the plus side, though, perhaps I can focus some energy of SOMETHING ELSE.  Seriously.  All my mental energy lately has been captured by the baby.  And the baby's name.  And wondering what the baby will be like.  And calculating just how many more days 10 weeks is.  And contemplating the likelihood of remaining pregnant until September.   Let me tell you, the house and school is suffering because of it.  Why can't I get that nesting instinct I've heard so much about?

It's a...

 Look at that ickle little profile!  I want to smother that little nose with smooches!

Sofia got into the spirit with a paint brush and lots of enthusiasm.  It's a little girl!  Second girls are the best.  Really.  And not just because I am a second daughter, no, not at all.

Sofia has been certain for as long as she's known about the impending sibling that she was having a baby sister.  So insistent, actually, that we have been working really hard on convincing her that it could be a baby brother, and that would be wonderful, too.  Perhaps, we sold it a little too hard.  When we found out for certain it was a girl, she looked at me and said, "But I thought we were having a boy baby like Johanna and Missy."
We're all very excited to meet this little one.  She looks great; all her parts and pieces seem to be in order, with a strong heart, kidneys, stomach, diaphragm (they actually commented on how beautiful her diaphragm is), umbilical cord, and whatever else they measure.  I've been convinced that our due date of August 19 is actually a week early, but Baby Girl is measuring on target for that due date.  Maybe I'll end up with an August baby after all; I've been preparing to last until September.  Gosh, I hope not.  After seeing that precious little being sucking her fingers, and moving all around, I just want to hold her tight.  We even got to see a little bitty ear!
She's absolutely perfect.  We're absolutely blessed.

9 weeks

We are proudly in posession of a grainy black and white photo of what could convincingly be made out to be the Loch Ness Monster, or Big Foot, or perhaps that other sock that is always missing.  But rest assured, it is the nine week ultrasound of our beautiful baby, and let me tell you, it is perfect.  And not at all monster-like.

In order to get a more accurate due date, and because my doctor is nice to me, we had another ultrasound today, to measure that baby again, and make sure it is growing appropriately.  This little guy or girl has been busy; before, we couldn't quite differentiate the body that housed the beautiful flicker from the lining of the gestational sac, but now, the perfect flicker is directly in the center of the sac with a nine-week baby surrounding it.  The ultrasound isn't all that sensitive, and viewing it live, we could hardly tell north from south, but we saw a perfect heart, beating at 175 beats per minute.  I've been having a tiny bit of spotting, and we pinpointed the source of the blood; a tiny subchorionic bleed, which the tech reassures me is quite normal and not at all harmful.  I will, of course, have to consult Dr. Google before letting my anxieties lie, but I'm not all that concerned.

I still can't believe it is there.

Since Julio was so excited when we first found out, he spilled the beans to Sofia that very morning.  She was certain that when we got home today, they would have taken the baby out, and she could hold her baby sister.  Sofia will officially think that pregnancy lasts an eternity.  We are also going to have to have a good, long conversation with her if we find out at 20 weeks that this child is a boy.  She is certain, CERTAIN, I tell you, that she will have a baby sister.  She might be right.  We tend to make girls in this family.

Anyway, I promise I will blog more often, and perhaps about more things than all-pregnancy-all-the-time, but for today, that's all I can think about.

A New Beginning

We haven't offically shared the news yet, and probably won't for awhile, but I'm pretty sure the only people who still check this blog already know (hi Johanna and Missy!), and I want to keep a journal for myself.
We are expecting a baby!  I got a positive pregnancy test on Wednesday, December 15, but didn't tell anybody, not even Julio.  It was several days before I expected my period, and I just didn't believe it.  On Friday, I took another test, this one a dark positive.   I crawled back in bed to tell Julio, and just beamed about my news.  Because of all the miscarriages, and because we supplemented progesterone with Sofia, my new doctor had me come in for a progesterone test.  Sofia and I trudged in on a snowy Saturday, and had my blood drawn at the inpatient lab.  The tech was so friendly, and gave Sofia three (!) princess stickers.  She thought she won the lottery.  On Monday morning, I got a call from my doctor, that the progeterone level was low.  Not dangerously low, but lower than they like to see.  Normal varies from 9-47 in the first trimester, though they like to see it above 20, and my level was 9.7.  Not terrible for just 4 weeks, but not great either.  I was prescribed an oral progesterone pill, and have been taking it twice a day. We scheduled an ultrasound for January 3, which seemed years away.   I had myself convinced that things could not be okay, that I wouldn't get so lucky again to have a healthy pregnancy.
Today, this morning, we saw another beautiful flicker, the best kind of flicker there is.  Hard to see the actual baby, but the heart was beating at 131 beats per minute, with a gestational sac and yolk sac the correct size.  Nothing out of the ordinary!  Woo Hoo!
Nothing is for certain, though, and I'm still reserved.  Things could still go wrong.  But this was an important first step.  With a lot of luck, we could be welcoming a new little one at the end of August!  Yikes!