6 months

If the next six months go by as quickly as the first six, my baby will be turning one tomorrow.

Continuing to say how fast time is flying is entirely cliche, but oh so true.  My little bitty baby just keeps growing.  Slow down!  Just slow down, sweetheart.  Let us enjoy this babyhood just a bit longer. 

I know we can't slow down time, so we'll enjoy every second.  

Dear Amalia,

This month, you discovered opinions.  What you discovered is that you have them.  Strong ones.  You know what you want and you go for it.  When you can't get it, or aren't allowed, you express your displeasure.  You are grabby.  You love to pull my hair, and grab my face, especially when I'm sleeping and you want to get up.

You love your sister.  I know I tell you that every month, but it is still true.  She loves to make you laugh, and you love to laugh at her.  You also love to poke fun at your sister a little bit.  Whenever she is being whiny or crying about something, you start to laugh.  Every time.  

Not only do you love your sister, but you love to be entertained.  You are still pretty wonderful at entertaining yourself and playing on the floor or in your exersaucer, but you definitely get lonely if no one is there, and use your voice to get Mama to come hold you.  Papá dice sue tu eres un bochinchera - someone who loves to have fun.  You are always looking for a laugh, love being swung around and tossed in the air and tickled and played with.   

Mostly, you love to be entertained, but with new situations or new people, you are still slow to smile.  You need to assess the situation first, and are quite the little studier, intently staring into the face and eyes of a new person, once you've gotten to look at them without them looking at you first. 

You've also gotten to where you really don't want to miss a second of the action.  It needs to be dark and quiet to be able to put you down for a nap or to bed. You are really starting to enjoy eating solid foods.  You even started, yesterday, to be able to handle a bit of texture in your food, rather than gagging on anything that isn't absolutely pureed.  You ate boiled potatoes, rutabaga and carrots from our stew yesterday and loved it.  We put it on your tray, and though you had a great time playing in it, you still needed our help actually getting the food in your mouth to eat it.

I think you are working on teeth.  The past few days you've been quite crabby, drooly, and seemingly in pain.  I don't feel anything poking through yet, but they do seem to be bothering you.  It doesn't help that you are still fighting a stuffed up nose and congested chest, as well.  It's been a rough couple of nights, and I am exhausted.  Sleep better tonight, okay?

You are getting closer and closer to mobility.  Slow down!  This afternoon, I put you on the floor in the kitchen while I worked on dinner, and you somehow managed to travel all the way across the kitchen, and can even get your leg out behind you as if trying to crawl.  I'm not ready for you to be able to move around yet, but am so proud at your progress.

Amalia, you are a darling baby.  You are loved so very much, and love us so very much in return.  The first half of your first year has been incredible.  

Loveyouforeverandalways,

Mama

Little Miss Stubborn

Guess you can't guess which daughter I am referring to in the title!  Actually, either guess would technically be correct, but this time, I am talking about Miss Amalia.  I am seriously dreading the tantrums that are sure to arise as she gets older.  And I'm not even going to think about 13!

This child is so stubborn, so opinionated, and so very loud.  When I went to class weekly and she was a wee little thing, she took a bottle just fine.  That all changed the day I started back substitute teaching a few times a week.  I got home to an exhausted daddy and a screaming baby.  Apparently, she refused a bottle, refused the milk in a cup, refused any type of milk at all, refused any other sort of food, and went on a hunger strike which she then complained about all day long.  She nursed six times between 4 and 7 o'clock that night.  Every day that I've been gone since then she's basically refused any breast milk.  Julio could get her to take a tiny bit if in a sippy cup with no valve, but not much.  When we had a couple hours for date night, Grandma and Grandpa were reticent to ever say yes to watching her again.  She cried, nay, screamed, nonstop.  So, heading to work today, I was less than optimistic.  I came home and listened.  No crying.   In fact, she and Sofia and Grandma were reading stories and playing on the floor.  She took a bottle!   She ate mashed potatoes and applesauce!  She napped for THREE hours!   See, baby?  Your day goes a lot better when you eat.

Slug, slug, slug!

Sofia chose a book from the library called, "Ant, Ant, Ant, an Insect Chant!"  It is verse composed entirely of insect names, and the first page ends with "...slug, slug, slug."  As we finished the very last page, Sofia looks at me with confusion and says, "but Mama, slugs aren't insects."  Huh.  You're right.  It had completely escaped my notice, but apparently bothered her the entire book long.  At the end, the author tells a little about each insect mentioned, and apparently there is a group of caterpillars called Slug Caterpillars.
She's been so good lately.  Much more patient, with less outbursts and fits.  She's a good helper, loves to play with her sister, follows directions, and has been losing the attitude.  Even through the Sofia, Sofia, Miss Contrary (not the same ring as Mary, but it still fit), life has been great with her.  It's been so nice.  Right now, however, she sitting on the stairs trying to scream me into doing it her way.  It isn't going to work, sweetie.

Sisterly Love

My girls adore each other.  It warms my heart every time I see them together.  It started with Sofia's adoration for her baby sister while I was still pregnant, and continued every minute since Amalia's been born.  Sure, Sofia is jealous, but I bear the brunt of that, while Amalia gets bombarded with hugs and kisses and peekaboos.

Last night, after their bath, both girls were sitting with their daddy on the couch.  Amalia just started busting a gut at her sister, which caused Sofia to start giggling, which kept Amalia giggling...

When Sofia gets off the bus after school, she's tired.  She's grouchy, hungry, and just wants to be hugged by Mama for awhile.  Today, Amalia was with my mom while Sofia and I cuddled.  After about 10 minutes, Amalia started to cry.  Sofia went over to give her a hug, and Amalia stopped crying, smiled, cooed, and reached out to hug her sister.  She started giggling and talking.  She wanted Sofia to come give her attention!  So darn precious.

I just want to remember these moments and that the girls do actually love each other as they grow.  I am such a blessed Mama.

One month away from half a year, omg

Somehow, though I am not entirely certain how, it is no longer August, and we have, in fact, been parents to Amalia for five whole months.  I know, crazy, right?!

Don't let the picture fool you into thinking she still has a full head of hair.  It is a farce, I tell you, a farce!  From straight on, she appears to have thick hair.  In fact, what appears to be beautiful locks are three tufts of birth hair, steadfastly holding on where all other have let go.  She's rocking a five-month-old combover, and from the side, appears to be wearing a wig.  It is quite hysterical.  Her new hair is coming in nicely, so she'll probably never have a bald look, as this hold-out hair seems to be holding steady until the new hair (just as dark) fills out a bit more.  

Dear Amalia,

You are now five months old.  You continue to amaze and delight us, and make us want to hold onto these sweet moments of darling babyhood before you get a sassy four-year-old attitude like a certain someone else we know (kidding!  sofia is a dream most of the time, emphasis on the most).  Also, excepting the hours between midnight and six am.  That's the only hours I'd like to see less of you, actually. Again, I jest!  But only a little.  

Amalia, you are funny.  You love to goof around and giggle and do silly things.  You also like it when others do silly things with you.  You think your sister is just about the funniest comedian on the earth.  Whenever she makes you laugh, which is often, she runs to me to tell me that "Amalia is laughing at me!"  I can't imagine the days of sibling rivalry that I'm sure are ahead of me, so I just won't.  Right now, you two are the best of friends.

You love to grab hair.  Really.  If I'm holding you, chances are there are chunks of my hair in your fists.  It isn't exactly pleasant.  Daddy's hair, Sofia's hair, Grandma's hair, Grandpa's beard, you love it all.  The only time you don't love to grab hair is when it is your own.  

You also love to grab books.  You get SO! EXCITED! when your sister and you are read a story together and reach as hard as you can to get to the book.  Grabbing at things is your new pastime, and you are getting really good at it.  

You had your first tastes of non-breastmilk food this month.  I wanted to wait until you were six months old to introduce anything, but did some reading, and learned to watch my baby, not the calendar.  Since you had been nursing every hour and a half for a week, I decided you were ready.  You're sort of luke warm to the idea, sometimes wanting to try the new tastes, but other times resolutely sticking your lips together, blocking access to the spoon.  Your tongue is always working, though, licking at the food on your cheeks.  I gave you an apple the other day, and you spent half an hour licking the thing, getting all the juice you could.  I didn't taste too great after that.

You also achieved rolling-over status!  You've been working on getting to your belly for awhile now, and on January 19, we had full back to belly business!  You lay on your back, putting your face into the floor on your left side for several minutes, only to be rolled back on your back by the significant heft in your middle.  After a while, you decided to go for the right.  Lift-off!  You did it!  Daddy and I were right there watching you, and it was amazing.  You were so proud of yourself!  

You've also mastered sitting.  You had a handle on it at four months,  but about two or more weeks ago, you really got it down.  You can reach for toys, lay back on your boppy and get get yourself back upright, go right, go left, and get back up.  You even reached being on your belly from sitting up this morning, which was quite an accomplishment.  

Amalia, you love your mama.  Good thing, because I love you, too.  So much.  You are a dream baby most of the time, not crying much.  Whenever anyone else has you and I'm gone for whatever reason, however, your very loud, very persistent cry takes over.  As soon as I get back and pick you up, all crying stops.  We're buddies, and we love to play, and sing, and read, and snuggle, and nurse, and talk, and so much more. 

You love your daddy, too.  He gets the biggest smiles, and you have the most to say for him.  You love to dance with him, and giggle when he tickles you, or swings you around.  

You are observant.  When a situation is new, you need to study your surroundings before bestowing judgement.  A person doesn't just get a smile for being there and smiling at you, you need to check them out, first.  You are quite studious.  Once the person or situation is deemed acceptable, however, you are full of smiles and giggles.

You love to blow raspberries and make all sorts of noises.  Sofia calls it 'talking spit.'  It is quite funny, and also quite loud.  When you have something to say, no one can hear anybody else.  That's alright, we're all usually too busy talking right back at you to care that our conversation has effectively ended.  

Baby, you are the greatest.  We love you so much, and are so blessed that you are in our family.  Happy five months, my dear.

Love, 

Mama

Christmas part II

I forgot!  December 23 was Venezuelan Christmas!  Since Julio had to work the whole weekend, I thought we could serve traditional Venezuelan Christmas Eve fare, play a few games, maybe open presents from family...
But then.  Julio was sick.  Still sick.  Too sick to do much more than nap and attempt to clean his sinuses (sini?) with the Neti pot.  So, my big plans for a Venezuelan Christmas with Daddy turned into just a delicious dinner.  Which was still fun, though less celebratory than we would have liked.

Sofia was so excited for Christmas this year.  She woke up ecstatic to see the stockings had migrated to the table and were filled with goodies.  Santa had eaten her cookies (they were delicious) and even wrote her a note telling her so.  We had a wonderful morning all together opening presents and eating cinnamon rolls and egg bake.  We missed Johanna and family and Julio's family, but enjoyed Aunt Sarah and Grandma and Grandpa.

Merry Christmas to all!  May you be filled with peace, love, joy and hope this holiday season and all year long.

Christmas Time!

Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice, Happy Chanukah, and an early Happy New Year!  We are having a great holiday season, though Julio has spent most of it being sick.  He's been able to enjoy December despite the illness, however, and the girls have brought the magic of the season to all of us.

We started our celebrating in Minneapolis, visiting Padrino Gerardo and Alissa, where we made hallacas and visited Santa.

Christmas Eve was spent preparing for Christmas.  We made cranberry salad, a holiday cake, rolls, cinnamon buns, and a refrigerated egg bake for the next morning.  Grandma made traditional oyster stew, and Grandma, Sarah, the girls, and I went to church.

We all sat in front to sing in the choir, which Grandma now directs and which was greatly depleted due to Christmas travel.  Sofia and Amalia did wonderfully.  Sofia enjoyed the children's sermon and put a baby Jesus in the manger in the nativity scene with the rest of the kids. Amalia seemed to enjoy the singing, and after nursing, fell asleep for most of the service, waking up at the very end when we all had candles.  Sofia even got her own this year!  Singing Silent Night in a dark church holding a candle is simply my favorite time.
We let the girls open one present before bed (bribery), and Sofia chose their presents from Sarah, which had been sitting under the tree all week torturing her.  ("Mom, we can call Aunt Sarah and say thank you and then open the presents!")  Sarah made them both beautiful knitted dolls!  Sofia wants to name them both Strawberry Shortcake.

After presents, we all got ready for bed, though Mom didn't get to go to sleep.  Someone has to prepare for Christmas!  Sofia set out cookies for Santa and wrote him a note.  Amalia was fussing, and I laid her on Sofia's bed while we got Sofie's jambes on.  Sofia went to snuggle her for a minute, and pretty soon, both girls were giggling.  Amalia sure loves her big sister, and Sofia sure loves her little sister.

It's getting late, and I'm getting tired.  Christmas stories to come tomorrow!

The one where my giant, gorgeous baby turns four months old

So, Miss Amalia is now four months old.  Christmas Day, to be exact.  It's amazing how much a small person can change in just one month.

The child laughs, all the time now.  She prefers to laugh at Sofia, who can get a giggle for just standing there looking cute.  Mama and Papa have to tickle or be silly or smother her in kisses or at least do something to get the laughs.  She has also, all of a sudden, shown an interest in toys and having something in her hands to chew.  If there is nothing in her hands, she'll chew her fingers instead.  Since she still keeps her fists closed most of the time, that leads to wet palms constantly.  She's started lunging at anything she finds interesting and tries so hard to grab it by herself.  She's still rather uncoordinated, but is improving every day.

Amalia is growing.  We had her four month appointment today, and she weighs 19 lbs 12 oz, and is 27 inches long.  That is 99.99 percentile for both.  Pretty much the biggest baby ever.  She's got luscious cheeks that literally stop traffic (foot traffic, anyway).  We (just Amalia and me) went to Las Vegas on a whirlwind trip to visit Aunt Johanna and meet the cousins.  People everywhere stopped to admire at this baby's cheeks.  It was so wonderful to see Anika again and meet little Reni.  He's actually not all that little, though Amalia technically is bigger than he is. She's firmly in 12 month clothes, and 18 month clothes in some brands.  Seriously.  

This past week and a half Amalia has started sitting.  Not fully, but she can keep herself upright for awhile, and is working on balance and not bending all the way forward.  It's great fun to watch.  She got an exersaucer for Christmas, and she is so proud standing in it.

Amalia is such a chill little baby.  She doesn't fuss much, mostly looks around and smiles and loves.  When she does get upset, it starts as complaining. If we don't get with the program and give her what she wants, she gets so angry!  The daily 7:30 melt-down has basically ended, which is a relief.  Amalia is pure love, joy, and wonder.  I love you, sweet darling.  I can't wait to see what next month will bring.

December 19

So apparently, I am only going to use this blog to write Amalia's month letters now...I'm a terrible blogger. BUT!  I'm procrastinating laundry, so here goes.

December 19.  Somehow, I let December 11 pass by without a second thought, never thinking of the importance of that day.  I couldn't do that with December 19, for a very good reason.

My niece turns two today.  A bright star, with a contagious laugh and the sweetest cuddles and love for her brother, a whole person that I wish I could see every single day.  I love you, Anika.
Two years ago today, your mommy and daddy braved snowmaggedon in DC, endured an incredibly long and difficult labor, and were blessed with this whole new life, a beautiful baby who would grow to be an incredible little girl. Two years ago today, we were anxiously awaiting the news of Anika's birth, wishing we could be with Johanna, ready to welcome the newest member of our family.  But instead, two years ago today, we were celebrating the life of an incredible woman.  Two years ago today, we officially said goodbye to my Aunt Suey.  Standing room only at the church, and some people didn't even get let in.  I couldn't keep my tears from flowing.  My heart was breaking.  At the party afterward, it was hardly even standing room only.  The entire party barn was packed, all three floors, with all the people Suey loved.  It was incredible outpouring of love, but all I could think was how much Suey would have liked to be there.  I miss Aunt Suey every day.  Since I was 14 and stayed at her house while my parents were in the Bahamas, she was my person.  She treated me like a friend, not like a child, and was so easy for me to talk to.  There is so much I wish I could share with her now.  Instead, I remember and try to celebrate her life by living the way she did.  And on December 19, I remember how one incredibly bright star left this world, while another entered.
Aunt Suey would have loved you, Anika.

3 months

Dear Amalia,
You are three months old, yesterday. (see?  I'm getting better at this!)  Yes, really. Though it feels like just last week that we first saw your precious face, it has, in fact, been three months.  In those three months, you have become a part of us, and completely altered our family forever.  And we are so grateful.

You are funny.  You smile and giggle and talk and talk and talk, almost like you are trying to get us to smile just as much as we are trying to get you to smile.  You get fantastic dimples on your cheeks when you smile, and your whole face scrunches us in complete joy.  Your chunky legs kick and your arms wiggle.  Your entire body is involved in your ever-joyful smile.  Your giggle is deep and from your belly.  You are ticklish under your chin  (when we can get under there!), on your chest, and on your feet.  You laugh also when your daddy laughs with you.  It is too adorable.

You are tolerant.  There are times, as the second child, where your face gets bopped by the stray sleeve of your sister's shirt, or Mommy has to lean over you to get to something else, or an entire host of other ways you are inconvenienced.  You don't seem to mind.  You watch us closely, and sit contentedly until the situation rights itself.  Then you coo at us some more.  It is awesome.

You are discovering your hands.  They can manipulate things.  They can manipulate themselves.  You can use them to put things into your mouth.  Or you can put them into your mouth!  Woot!  It is quite fun to extract your had from your mouth in order to feed you.

You are sleeping longer (thank goodness).  Just this week, you started sleeping 6 hour stretches.  It is fantastic.  Please to continue.

You have incredible lung power.  Your cry is not quiet, nor is your complaining.  When you are tired and ready for bed, or hungry and Mama is not feeding you instantly, you can get quite upset.  Though most of the time you are a very calm, quiet, relaxed little chica, there are times (most notably 7:30 pm, almost like clockwork) when you are not happy at all.  At those times, nobody can hear anything other than your cries.  They are quite loud.  You don't calm particularly easy when you get upset that way, and it is always a challenge to discover what will be the trick this day.  Daddy discovered you like to be held belly-down (sometimes).  Mommy figured out that bouncing on the trampoline will often calm you down.  Grandma found out that it sometimes works to hold you tight in our bed with a nuk and just wait.  Grandpa discovered that you prefer reggae-type songs sung right into your ear.

You love your sister.  Sofia loves to talk to you and cover you up and play with you like a little doll.  You eat up every minute.  You talk to her, you seek her out.  You smile at her.  It is precious.  She loves you, too, though she gets quite jealous when you get the attention.

You love your daddy.  You and your daddy have incredible conversations.  He holds you out in front of him, and the two of you chat and chat and chat.  You have quite the stories to tell.  You make all sorts of sounds and use inflection and everything.  It is pretty wonderful.

You love your mommy.  Nursing is still your favorite activity, and you definitely calm best with me.  We love to snuggle together and coo and talk and kiss and hug.  You are so sweet.  I love every minute.

Happy three months, Amalia Susan.  We all love you so very much, and really couldn't imagine our lives without you.  Was there ever a time when you weren't here?  I can hardly remember.

Loveyouforeverandalways,
Mama

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving Eve, and I have successfully made a pumpkin cheesecake, and my grandma's cranberry salad.  Two girls are bathed and in bed.

Julio and my dad prepared the turkeys this morning - I've never had one quite so fresh.

It is nearly 10 pm,  and I still have to concoct a harvest stuffing, pack for an overnight stay for myself and two children.  I should really finish folding laundry.

Yet, I have to take a minute to give thanks for all the blessings in my life.  Sure, life isn't exactly as I had planned it, and we aren't exactly in an ideal situation.  But there are blessings.  So many blessings.

Blessing number 1 - my sweet Sofia.  You are my star, my goofy girl.  I love your spirit, your sass, your heart.  You bring me such joy.  I love watching you be a big sister, getting your baby sister to laugh, hugging her, showing pure love.  I love your hugs and kisses, your jokes, your dances, your smiles, your silly stories, your tea parties.  You made me a mommy.

Blessing number two - my darling Amalia.  You are pure love.  I am so grateful to watch you grow, and be a part of you.  I love the way you talk, constantly.   Happy conversations, complaining sounds, talking always.  I love your big and plentiful smile, the way your cheeks dimple in lots of places and your whole face smiles.  I love your little laugh, and how silly we all are in trying to hear it.  You blessed us this year with your life, and I am so happy and grateful that you are healthy and here with us.  

I am grateful for Julio.  A daddy with more love for his daughters than I could have imagined.  A man who works hard for his family always, whose struggles might make things more difficult, but who has remained strong.  A man I love more and more each day.  Life's experiences have given us our share of challenges, bringing us closer than before.  

I am grateful.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Bumbo!

Amalia has a new view of the world.

She's still a touch wobbly, so can only stay in it for a few minutes at a time, but she seems to like it!  She's been trying to sit up while in her swing chair or being held, so I knew she was ready.  Can't believe this child is growing so quickly.  She'll be three months old on Friday.

I got the pink!

Way back when, when Sofia was a little thing, about two and a half, I think, she got a stomach virus.  I tried to get her to throw up into the bucket.  A few days later, she got pink eye.  She came to me, miserable and mucusy and said, "Want to put my eye in the bucket."  When she talked to her Aunt Sarah, in a somber voice told her, "I got the pink."

I was reminded of that time (which always makes me laugh) today when Sofia got off the bus from school. She's got the pink.  Definitely got the pink.

Quick trip to fast care and a bribery toy later, we've got two doses of medicated eye drops in her, and a bonus diagnosis of an ear infection.

She's most upset that I have asked her not to touch Amalia's face.

ARGH!

I am at my wit's end.  I've been doing so well lately.  I've been patient.  I've been empathetic.  I've tried to let the consequences do the teaching.  It has been working.  Until tonight.

Anybody want a slightly-used, quite cute but rather whiny and oft sassy four-year-old?

Actually, anybody want a tired, slightly tubby, impatient, overwhelmed at times thirty-year-old?

I blew a fuse at Sofia.  Her very best friends in the world are visiting (hi jay and ella!) and naturally, all the contents of her room is residing on the floor.  Getting close to bedtime, I advise Sofia that if she wants her friends to sleep on the floor with her, there needs to be space for them, so they should pick up the toys.  Now, I know it can be overwhelming to pick up a crazy-mess of toys.  (apparently, it isn't so overwhelming to put them there in the first place)  Fine.  I know it is easier with a grown-up helping direct traffic.  But Amalia needed nursing, and I expected her to at least try.  No.  She ran around screeching.  She played piano.  She had a tea party.  She didn't put one thing away.  Not one thing.  I came in the room, set Amalia on the bed, and tried to help direct her.  Nothing.  No response.  She cuddled Amalia on the bed instead.  I said, that's fine.  I'll pick them up.  But when Mama picks them up she takes them away.  I started to pick them up, putting them in the laundry room.  Still nothing.  Not picking up.  And not only not picking up, pointedly smothering her sister, to where I now have to remove the baby.  Am livid.  I ask her, one more time, to help pick up.  "No, I'm not going to."

AHHHHHHHHHRHGGHGHAGGHHH!!!

Mr. Young informs me that she does, indeed, possess the skills to pick up her toys.  She does it every day without complaint at school.  Not only did I yell, quite loudly and definitely out of control (which I hate doing), I now have a laundry room full of toys.  I can't quite make myself donate the toys to GoodWill.  They are expensive, dammit!  I need to do laundry tomorrow.  Now what?
I'm still so pissed. Breathe.
I wish I hadn't yelled at her.  That isn't productive and overshadows her own behavior.  The real answer is to actually get rid of the toys.  I can't, though.  It's too harsh.  Gah.

Seriously, Mr. Hyde?  I want Dr. Jekyll back.

Sniffle Snuffle

So, two girls and one daddy are suffering the cough, mucus, sneezy, basically miserable cold.  Miraculously, I feel healthy as can be, but everyone else in my family is hacking up a lung.  The baby included.  Her first cold.  Not exactly one of the things I wanted to mark off so soon. Poor angel doesn't know what is happening to her, and every time she coughs, she cries from confusion.  Sofia and Amalia, however, are getting off easy.  They are coughing and sneezing, but otherwise seem basically unscathed.  Julio, on the other hand, is just miserable.  Somehow, he always seems to get the worst of every germ that comes through this place.

Laugh on!

Okay, I know I've been all Amalia all the time, but - we have our first laughs over here!  I so wish I had a video, but at least Sofia and Julio and I were all able to witness it together.  I was holding her, Julio tickled under her chin, and she laughed!  Ahahahaha!  I can't resist trying to sneak those giggles out of her all the time, now.
And speaking of laughing...know who laughs all the time?  You guessed it...Sofia!  She keeps us laughing, as well.  When she isn't busy making us want to pull our hair out and cry, that is.

2 Months

and one week, two days (but who is counting?)

Amalia, my love, you are two months old.  How can one little baby grow so much in just two short months?  How can life have ever existed before you were born?
In two months, you went from a chubby, cheeky newborn, to a 15 lb 8 oz, chubby, cheeky two month old.  You have the most kissable and smunchable cheeks in the world.  Sometimes, they get in the way of your smile.  You are staying awake longer and love to be entertained.  Smiles come easily now, and you especially like whistling and silly, smiling faces.  You coo.  All the time.  Happy coos, complaining coos, just talking coos.  Like right now.  You aren't crying, but you are cooing, telling me that you want some love!  I'd better go get you.

Okay, now you are here in my lap, watching me write this letter.  Also, you are asking to nurse.  You are always asking to nurse, then promptly spit it up.  Your hands and feet are always on the go, and even when nursing you are trying to stick your fist in your mouth.  It doesn't always work.  You still have thick, black hair that isn't showing any signs of falling out.  You hold your head up high, and like to look around and be part of the action.  You tolerate tummy time much better than Sofia did, and will lift up your head to look at me, though you don't like to stay there for very long.  Your eyelashes are starting to grow, framing your dark brown eyes.  You still have your little dimple on your right cheek, and a very loud voice.  Just ask Grandma and Grandpa.  On Wednesday nights, when I am in class and Daddy is at work, they get to look after you.  And boy, you don't like it!  At least at bedtime.  When you are tired, you work yourself up into such a state, and it is impossible for anyone other than Mommy to comfort you.  You cry and cry and cry, making both Grandma and Grandpa want to cry, too.  Eventually, you fall asleep from pure exhaustion, usually cradled in Mama and Papa's bed, where you can smell us.  When I get home, and you wake up to nurse, I can feel your relief as you melt into my arms, sighing a comforted sigh.  Oh, how I love you.

6 Weeks (and some change)

So, like everything with the second pregnancy and baby, I am a little behind the ball.  Sorry, Amalia.  I meant to write at one month, but all of a sudden we are getting closer and closer to two months and I haven't yet written.  I'm still proud I wrote your birth story before you turned one.  Better late than never, and I will try, I promise, to get your month letters done on the month.  Really, I will.
Amalia,
You are now six weeks old.  A marvel.  The chubby cheeks you were born with have gotten yet chubbier, and your big brown eyes have the power to melt grown mommies and daddies into puddles of love.  You have brought such joy to our lives and our home.  I cannot believe how fast the time has flown, how you are no longer a tiny newborn (not that you were ever very tiny) and are rapidly becoming a baby.  From the moment you were born, you have graced us with the most beautiful grins in your sleep.  Constantly.  You must have very happy dreams, because a couple weeks later, you began to giggle in your sleep.  It is the cutest sound in the world.  At three weeks old, on your daddy's birthday, you gave us your first voluntary smile.  You love to stare intently at mommy and daddy, hardly blinking, but holding us captive in your eyes.  This time, Daddy was holding you and talking to you like he loves to do, and you gave him the greatest birthday present - a real smile!  You don't dole out smiles to just anyone for any reason, though.  Getting a smile from you is a special time, and we all stop whatever we are doing to come see.
You make the funniest noises.  You are hardly ever quiet, even when sleeping.  You make all sorts of groans and grunts and sighs.  Sometimes, you sound just like a horse, other times like a car squealing its tires.  You have an incredible cry.  I don't have to worry about your lungs, because the volume when you are unhappy is certainly loud enough to get our attention, even if we don't happen to be nearby.
You love your big sister.  In fact, this morning, you and she were cuddling together in our bed, and you gave her some of your biggest smiles yet.  She loves to hold you and kiss you and hug you.   You watch her with the same intensity you watch us.
Mommy and Daddy have both been bathed by you.  You are a 'happy spitter' and spew impressive amounts of partially digested milk, usually once a day or so.  You are content and gaining weight, so the doctor isn't worried, but the milk takes an arc and flies several feet away.  It's quite the sight to see.  We do a lot of laundry, my dear.
I adore being your mother.  I love every inch of you.  I love to smell your neck and stroke your hair.  I love to rock you and cuddle you.  I love how you grab so tightly to my finger (or my hair or my necklace).  I love how you snuggle in.  I love your sounds, I love your smile.  I love everything about you.  Happy six weeks, honey.
Love,

Mama

Amalia Susan

A Birth Story

Even though we went late in my pregnancy with Sofia, for some reason, I was convinced (and so was everyone around me) that I wouldn’t go late with Amalia.  For one, I started having regular Braxton hicks contractions and cramping starting at about 30 weeks.  For another, I was ginormous.  Seriously huge.  

For a third, at 37 weeks, contractions that started to hurt and occur at regular intervals kept me awake, and happened throughout the day.  Frustratingly, they always stopped eventually.  The belly, which had always been relatively low, dropped noticeably at 38 weeks.  “Can’t be much longer,” I thought.  Every day, I waited for labor.  And waited.  And hoped.  Every day, when Julio left for work, I would say goodbye by telling him that I planned to call him that day.  Never happened.  At my 38 week appointment, I was only 1 cm dilated, and about 50% effaced.  At 39 weeks, I was 3 cm, and my doctor assured me progress was being made and that it wouldn’t be much longer.  At 40 weeks (and three days), I was almost a 4, but still no real signs of labor. 

            “What day do you want to have a baby?” my doctor asked. 
“Today?” I replied hopefully.  We scheduled induction for Thursday, August 25 at 6 am.  Three more days.  I could make it.  I had hoped to avoid induction, because I really wanted to do this labor without an epidural, and I knew it would be harder if I was on pitocin.  I was Group B positive, though, so needed an IV anyway to administer the necessary antibiotics. 

“I don’t think you’ll make it to Thursday, anyway,” said Dr. Andrews-Fike.  “Though, I didn’t think you’d make it this far.”

I went to class that Wednesday night, and everyone was as surprised to see me as I was dismayed to be there.  I really thought I’d have had a baby by that point.  Mom came with me to class just in case I went into labor on the drive or in class, though our extra preparation probably stopped labor from happening.  Or not.  She was just comfy in there.  I was not so comfy.  I couldn’t sleep very well – I was getting up to pee five or more times a night, could only sleep on my side, but got such terrible hip pain.  Poor Sofia was ready to have a lap to sit in once more.

I kissed Sofia goodnight that night, telling her Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t be home when she woke up, that we were going to the hospital to have baby Amalia.  I packed and repacked my bags, and tried to make sure everything at home was ready and waiting.  The next time we’d be home, we would bring home a baby and finally be our family or four.

            We got to the hospital just past 6 am, and got settled into our room.  The whiteboard in the room said, “Welcome Rebecca and Julio!”  How sweet.  I felt ready and anxious to get things going.  We got my IV started and paperwork filled out, and waited for Dr. Fike.  She arrived just past 7, and we decided to break my water, to see if that would put things in active labor.  I was on the monitors, and was having contractions every 5-7 minutes, though I couldn’t always feel them.  “How long have you been this regular?” asked the doctor.  I’d been that regular for months.  At that point, I was at a 4, and they were hopeful that breaking the water would be all that was needed to start active labor.  Water broke at 7:30 am, and we had 4 hours to see if we could get things moving.  Julio and I watched bad tv, and went for a walk around the hospital.  I willed my body to contract, already!  It didn’t work.  I could usually feel the contractions, but they definitely weren’t active labor.  We started pitocin at 11 am.  I was scared of it, since I’d heard the pain was so much worse, but opted to try without the epidural.

            The nurses monitored the pitocin and my contractions carefully – they wanted to be sure that active labor was starting, but also that contractions weren’t too strong or too close together.  Once pitocin was started, I could definitely feel when I was having contractions, and they started to get closer together.  I could feel them, but they didn’t hurt yet.  My mom had gotten to the hospital by that point, and kept me company while Julio took one last nap before I would really need him.  Mom said Sofia had a great morning – she woke up looking for me, but when Grandma came in to remind her that we were at the hospital, said “Grandma, do you know how to make chocolate milk?”  and that was that.  She and Grandpa were doing great at home, and was excited to hear that she would be a big sister soon.

            About 12:30 or so, the contractions started to hurt.  We were in active labor.  Julio was, once again, a fantastic labor coach.  We had Pandora playing, and as long as I was clutching onto Julio’s neck, could make it through each contraction.  Not too much later, I began to have back labor.  I had brought my rice pack, in preparation for that, as the same thing happened with Sofia.  With Mom pressing the hot rice pack onto my back, and Julio holding onto my front, I made it through each one.  I had about a minute rest between them, and felt like I was doing great.  The nurses came in to monitor contractions and the baby’s heartrate every once in a while, and everything was doing fine.  I was checked at about 2 pm (or so) and was only 4.5. I was disappointed, but doing well.Things were starting to hurt more, and we decided to labor in the shower.  Having the water hit my body was quite relaxing for awhile.  After the shift changed, and I got a new nurse, my labor really picked up.  Korinna was my new nurse, and she was wonderful.  A few times, I started to feel panicky.  With my wonderful labor team, I was able to calm myself down and remember not to suffer.  Amazingly, the pain was so much less when I didn’t give myself into it.  At about 4:30 or so, I was fading.  I was tired, and it took so much more concentration to not suffer through each contraction.  I asked for some nubain, a pain medication administered through the IV that would take the edge off.  With the medication, I was able to relax quite a bit.  The contractions still hurt just as much, but I was able to keep calm through them.  Not too long after getting the medicine, my belly starting to push down at the end of each contraction.  I didn’t recognize it as the urge to push, but after half an hour of that, I decided to mention it to the nurse.  After a few more contractions that way we decided to check my cervix.  “Oh yeah, you can push that kid out now!” said the nurse!  Mom and Julio were overjoyed, but I was just in pain.  I remember feeling relieved that it was almost over, but the pushing part felt so different than it did the first time.  Dr. Andrews-Fike came in, and with Korinna and Mom and Julio, they gave me time, encouragement, and exactly what I needed.  I focused on my doctor, her telling me that yes, I can do it, and the sight of Amalia’s head starting to move down my birth canal.  With the mirror, I would just watch her while I geared up to push again.  And finally, release!  She popped out, screaming and just perfect.  The doctor put her on my chest, and I just stared at her.  She was rather blue, so she didn’t get to stay on my chest very long.  They brought her to the warmer, and made sure that she was doing okay.  After a few minutes, when she was pink, I got her back, and she instantly latched onto my breast.  What a latch!  What a suck!  She was born a nurser.

            When Sofia was born, Julio had apprehension all over his face.  That fear was so sweet, of not being sure what to expect, or how this tiny person would affect his life.  This time, with Amalia, he did not have that fear.  I saw an intensity of joy, he melted at the sight her of body.  This time, Daddy was ready.

            As soon as she was born and brought to the warmer, I could tell she was bigger than Sofia.  I said so.  “You’d  better believe it!”  I was stunned when she weighed at 9 lbs 9 oz.!  That’s a big newborn!  I pushed that baby out of my body, I created that perfect human being, born with a double chin and cheeks made for kissing.

            There is nothing that compares to giving birth to an entire human being.  The intense feelings of love are beyond explanation.  Love doesn’t even begin to describe the feelings of the moment I brought my daughter into this world, the first moment I saw the face of the person I’ve gotten to know for nine months.  

            Amalia Susan, I love you more than I will ever be able to explain or understand, or even show to you.  You are perfect.  You are a miracle.  You are such a blessing to me, to your daddy, to this family.  I hope you have a happy, beautiful life.  I hope you find love, kindness, and happiness, and I hope you bring love and happiness to those around you.  You are so loved, and are already making the world a better place.  It has only been two and half weeks, and already I know you.  I know your cry, and I see who you are in those beautiful, big, brown eyes of yours.  You are special, you are incredible.  I’m excited and honored and lucky to be a part of your life, to be your Mama.  I love you, angel mine.

Will I get these brain cells back?

So, I wrote that last post on August 17, actually one day after Sofia's birthday.  I didn't get around to actually posting it until today.  Finding actual thoughts to put together is difficult.  Finding nouns and putting together sentences is sometimes impossible.  Remembering things?  A thing of the past.  I went to the grocery store today without a list.  I floundered around, circling the place several times and walked out with milk (which we needed!  score!) and some other random crap.  I cannot be trusted.
40 weeks 2 days.  Not particularly late, but more than ready.  Today, I've been having increased contractions and more pain.  I also had several bouts of shortness of breath and racing heart that made me sit down.  I keep trying to convince this kid that it is time to evict, time to meet the rest of us.  She's unconvinced.  I have an OB appointment tomorrow, and am hoping to get some sort of plan of action.  Actually, I'm hoping to be 7 cm dilated and sent to the hospital for the most painless labor ever, but that seems unlikely.
Hello?  Labor?  I'm ready and waiting!